Finding Motivation

Before I begin anything, I want to pose a question. I’m not sure if anyone will read this or respond, but I can’t help but cast the line out.

What do you do when you’ve lost motivation?

I don’t mean something like writer’s block, but just the “heart” to do what you love.

Lately, I’ve still had all of these ideas for the story I want to tell, and I’ve been coming across the inspiration necessary to make myself write it, but my heart doesn’t have that love it used to. Like being in a relationship that’s gone stale, wanting to salvage it, but merely “going through the motions” of the things that used to be fun in your relationship. 

It’s going on 2:30AM now.

I think the greatest issue with me is that writing was all I wanted and needed, for years. When I didn’t have much else to be proud of in life, I always had my stories. My characters I created, the adventures they had, the way they grew and evolved–I proved to myself every day, through writing, that I had something that made me valuable. And beyond that, these characters helped me to never feel alone in a world where I felt like no one understood me. I had these constant voices in my head, carrying on conversations with each other and motivating me through every step of my life. I know that sounds crazy, but it was a beautiful feeling to always have someone there like that.

And most of all, I wanted these characters, who felt so much like real people to me, to get out there and help other people. To inspire people to never buckle under pressure, to ever feel alone, and to do whatever they have to do to be happy. To do what others what they had been doing for me for years. They helped me through my mother passing, helped me through a harsh breakup, and helped me through general stress in life. Feeling like a failure. And as much as I loved it, I also felt it my responsibility and privilege to share them with other people.

But then suddenly, the voices stopped. And I can’t stand the silence.

I know it’s all still in there, and with all the work and development I’ve put into it since 2007, I can’t just give up and put the pen down now. That is why it kills me. This isn’t something I can feel content with giving up just because it hasn’t been working out.

But what do I do now?

I’m mostly writing this in hope that someone will have an answer, or some words of advice. Maybe even anyone else, lost as I am, who’s struggling with a similar crisis. 

Mostly, at this point, I just don’t want to feel alone in this.

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2 thoughts on “Finding Motivation

  1. Two things:

    The despair can feel so real, so painful, so unequivocally inescapable…so fucking intense. It makes realize that, I don’t live in the grey areas; my heart is planted firmly on my sleeve. This means that no matter how low the lows, the highs are even more glorious and worth the heartache, the apathy, the sense of directionless confusion. It’s hard, but it’s motivating.

    Even if you consider yourself to be non-spiritual, there is a quote from the Bible that I believe everyone should remember when things seem hopeless:

    The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
    John 1:5

    Find your light. No matter how small it may be, it will set you towards the right path.

    • Thank you so much for the encouragement.
      You’re right, I have always believed in the phrase “In the darkness, we find our light”. I’ve been searching for it recently, almost desperately.
      That’s what brought me here.
      I’m not sure if it will solve anything, but I’m hoping it will help with the loneliness and sleepless nights.
      Until I do find a solution, I’ll keep stumbling in the dark until I find a new light or get my old one back.

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